Remodeling

It's been a long time since I've written on this blog. I've passed through many battles and parties on the way, and my family and I have grown from them.

I've spent a good time recently working to reach a life that aligns more closely with what I believe are my highest goals. This has been a slow process, but it has been well worth the extra soul-searching and thinking and figuring out. For me, the biggest difficulty has been hubris. So often, it is easy to fall into the trap of thinking one must be remembered, honored, or regarded as famous or fabulous to make a difference. For years, I fell prey to those thoughts of "special" things to do and accomplish. No wonder I was confused when my life kept handing me humble tasks! My truth, as I've worked to uncover it, really doesn't have much to do with acclaim or fortune, as fun as both sound (in theory). And really, I've learned that neither "ideal" is actually a goal I would enjoy. Why would I be obsessed with fame as success when my life urges retreat, relaxation, and gestation? Could the cultural ideal be a mismatch to what I really need? Yes, yes, yes. But sometimes, it takes a hammer upside the head, as we say in the South of the US, to realize the truth of a situation.

So, why write publically again. Well, it doesn't really matter if I'm famous, but if I have something that needs to be shared, there are ways to share it without letting ego get in the way. I want to help others, and if I have no point of contact, how can I do so? How can I get feedback if I'm only transmitting? I feel like blogging is a good compromise for these situations.

As to what I will share, well, I'm going to start with the "easy" route and share some of my work on symbolism. I have YEARS of dedication and obsession with symbolism, how humanity uses it, abuses it, can learn from it, can hurt from it. My first real forays were with fairy tales and mythology, but the first that really caught my full attention was that synthesis of tales told in the tarot deck. After about a decade of interest, an online friend and new learner of the tarot asked me how I organized the meanings of the cards, and I started a project that sat unfulfilled for another decade. I've taken it out, brushed it off, and started finding that the waiting period feels more like a gestation, so I'm ready to try to bring this to the world, poor little child that it is, and let others see it, touch it, and help it grow. Perhaps it will turn out to be a marvelous living document that brings help to many. Perhaps not. Perhaps it will only give one little inspiration to another person. Perhaps everything that grows from this will be internal and personal. All of these possibilities are ok right now. My little Fool of a manuscript deserves its chance to meet the World and see what comes of its work. Perhaps I deserve that, too.