Ho hum

So, my son has been a bit, well, on the mucus-y side for the past couple of days. So it's no surprise that Mommy is starting to get that sticky, itchy feeling in the back of her throat. Ahem. I am *not* pleased, but I have to admit that I'm overdue for something. I haven't been sick in three months, and that's a personal victory for me. I haven't been this ridiculously well in two or three years. So, even though I'm not pleased with the advent of the post-nasal drip, I can't say it isn't time for it.

Unfortunately, I've been spending so much time on other things lately, it may seem like I've been hiding. I kind of have, really. Not because I don't want to be digi-scrapping or designing or hanging out with my buddies. I promise, I'm not planning on disappearing. It's just that I've learned something important recently. Those of you who have known me a little while know that I've struggled with depression and anxiety for years. Some of you may even know that this recent bout was basically kicked into high gear by a tornado that tumped over my family's trailer with all of us in it in April 2009. What you may not know is that I struggle with it daily on a level that makes it difficult to even get out of the house and drive to work. It's incredibly draining and very frustrating. It's also not helped very much by the drugs that I take. They take the edge off the panic, but they don't take it away.

Recently, I've been bouncing around and reading various blogs. I don't really have an agenda; I just read what interests me. And my interests have surprised me. One blogger posted that her son had just been diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder, also known as SPD. I had never heard of that, so I started following links. And that led me to Tongginator Mama's blog (which I talked about in my previous post). Turns out, she's sensory defensive, and her daughter is sensory seeking. Gotta love how life hands you those curves sometimes. And the more I read, the more I realized that there were bells ringing in my lives.

Long story short (too late! lol), I got some books on SPD in adults. Right now, I'm reading "Too Loud, Too Bright, Too Fast, Too Tight: What to Do If You Are Sensory Defensive in an Overstimulating World" by Sharon Heller. And I tell you, it was very stressful reading it because it was like a rerun of the hardest times and things in my life. I have not been formally diagnosed, but there is not a doubt in my mind that this applies to me. And really, that is both a relief and a bit of a downer. A downer, because it's not something that can be fixed with a pill or something. This is something I'll have to deal with for the rest of my life. But it's a huge relief to know that I now have tools I can use to help. According to the "scale" the book employs, I'm listed somewhere between the moderate and severe rating of issues with SPD. But the great thing about that, is now I can explain it. Now I can tell people, yes, this really does hurt. Yes, I really do have a rational reason for this. Yes, there is a physical problem here. No, I'm not just being a wimp, or a crybaby, or pretending. I now have validation and a road to a better place. I can't really explain how much that helps.

In the meantime, it also gives me some hard questions to speculate upon. For instance, am I having such a hard time emotionally with losing weight (a big issue for me) because the weight has helped me to deal with SPD in the past? Since so many of my emotional problems are probably dependent on this, what is it going to feel like to be able to cope more capably? Am I ready for the responsibility that comes with actually being able to handle this thing, rather than have it as an excuse? It would be way too simple to just say, aw, poor me, no wonder I can't do this. But that's just a path I am unwilling to take. Can I keep it real?

Prairie Dog Bubble

Prairie Dog Bubble
Originally uploaded by mawkinberd

So, I have really awesome news. I already put something on my sidebar about it, but I wanted to say it, too... Jacquie asked me to be on her CT. Yay! I am absolutely honored to be a part of her team. Not only is she a wonderful artist with words, she also chooses great themes, is generous with her art, and is an all-around wonderful person. How could I say no to being a part of that? Unless, of course, I was crowded to the gills with stuff, which I am, sometimes, but she's absolutely worth the extra effort. Cool.

My LO (which I finished yesterday) actually uses some of her word art for the Scrap Mix challenge at MLAS, now hosted by TJ. Very fun! I've never done a LO quite like this before, so I was pleased with the chance to do something very different. Besides that, I scrapped a picture of myself! I don't do that very often. Guess I need to get in the habit; I'm almost done with Joe's first year album, so my next big project is my wedding album. Yikes! Pictures of me everywhere! lol Suppose I can manage. ;)

In other news, Joe got a bite over the weekend on his knee that started looking alarmingly red and scaly yesterday, so we went to urgent care to get it looked at. Now, I hate the emergency room. They always take too long. I thought urgent care would be better. It was in timing, but apparently people there aren't used to the rambunctiousness of toddlers. He was actually being relatively quiet, pushing a chair around the lobby right next to me, not screaming or crying, when I was told that pushing the chair was far too loud and not permitted. The receptionist thought turning on a cartoon would help things. (shakes head) After pulling him out of the water waste tray on the water cooler for the umpteenth time, I had to get the stroller. Now you could hear some noise. It was somehow more acceptable to have a baby screaming bloody murder because he's bored and cooped up than it was to have him happily pushing a chair around the lobby within a ten foot square area, well away from other patients. Search me, I don't understand it.

After all that stress, it was a relief to find out that he had a mosquito bite that was just a bit worse than usual. At least, that's what the doctor hoped. He had a good antihistamine and some rest last night, so I'm hoping he'll be significantly better when I see him tonight after work. (crossed fingers)

Hope everyone has a lovely Tuesday! :)

Ready, set, walk!

Ready, set, walk!
Originally uploaded by mawkinberd

One step closer... Every picture I had of Joe when he was eleven months old was of him learning how to walk. Some were better subjects than others; he got some pretty impressive war wounds this month. He didn't seem to mind, though. :) I did this LO for the font challenge at MLAS, and it has elements from the Naughty Little Monster kit by Isabella La Roux and the alpha from Boys Club by Scrappy Kat. It was super fun to do!

Joe is still a little pitiful this evening, but he's doing better. Slowly and surely! I'm just soooo glad he doesn't have that awful fever anymore. On the negative side, though, the dog smells like she rolled in something dead. I am *not* looking forward to that bath. Wish it were warm enough to wash her outside! lol

fresh washed angel

fresh washed angel
Originally uploaded by mawkinberd

Joe and I were invited to go with Uncle Jeremy to the zoo on Sunday. We couldn't take a dirty baby Joe for his first visit to the zoo, so we had a nice, fun bath, complete with squirting boat and floating sponge letters. He was in such a good mood afterward, he decided to cheese for the camera. Of course I had to take a few pictures. Then, Aunt Jo said he looked like a fresh washed angel. I couldn't resist scrapping that!

Joe is feeling better now. He hasn't had a fever since yesterday afternoon, and he got to go see Granny and his friends at daycare. He must have had a lot of fun, cuz now he's very, very sleepy. :) I know he looks angelic all the time, but he looks especially sweet when he's asleep.

I haven't had a red letter day; I managed to twist my ankle when I was leaving work today. It feels a little better now, so hopefully it'll be ok tomorrow. We'll see.

A Busy Month

A Busy Month
Originally uploaded by mawkinberd

Yesterday was a very busy day. Joe was having a terrible time with his fever. It ran over 103 every time his medicine went out of time. I felt so sorry for him! Luckily, his new medicine is helping him somewhat. He's been playing a lot today, even with a low grade fever. I'm proud of him. He's really acting like a big boy throughout the entire thing. Even when he felt his worst, he was still a very good boy.

I really didn't have a lot of time to scrap yesterday or today, but when he started his nap, I was able to get one done. Wow, a whole month on one page?! Didn't know I had it in me! I got inspiration from a page by chrissyw, one of my favorite template makers. :) Poor Joe... he went through a lot that month!

Hopefully, he'll feel up to going back to Granny's tomorrow. I know he misses going, and I know she misses him. The kids there really didn't like him not to be there with them. Turning a trio into a duo makes a big difference. I'll keep everyone posted on how he's doing.