Wednesday, July 21, 2010

wanna play?

wanna play?
Originally uploaded by mawkinberd
When I got done with this page, I felt like I had to take a step back and breathe.... Mmmmm.... aaaah! The title of it was such a reminder for me. I haven't really felt up to playing a lot lately. I've done a lot of whining and wallowing and bemoaning instead.

Of course, that doesn't help my several situations. Sure, Daniel and I have both been cut back on hours. Sure, Joe isn't able to go to his beloved daycare as often any more (although they were gracious enough to save his spot for him without extra charges). Sure, we're gonna be out of health insurance at the end of the month (it'd cost close to $1200 a month to keep carrying it through COBRA). Sure, even though I've been looking, I have yet to find another job (or even a good nibble). I've been putting things out of my life right and left trying to get rid of all this negativity, so what have I been making room for?

I don't have the answer to that question. And I know lots of other people less fortunate than I have been asking and failing to receive an answer as well. I don't want to be that broke, miserable, needy woman who can't provide what she and her family needs. But who said that I had to be miserable? Who said the challenges I face are insurmountable? I may have to give up a lot, but I don't have to give up certain necessities. Love. Laughter. Joy. Peace. Patience. Understanding. Sympathy. And when "realism" becomes a chain of self-hate and anguish, I have to step back, turn my head, and wonder... just how "real" is it?

I hope everyone has a "really" good day, no matter what their circumstances bring.